I wipe up spit with my hands now......

Well it's been a lil while since i've wrote a blog post. What i've learned in the last 3 months is that no amount of shit or vomit will make me not love this guy. I always knew i wanted kids but it was one of those things i'd say but never really undestand the meaning. i'm not sure if that makes sense to you. This little man has completed my life....i know it sounds lame but i feel like i had something missing and now that he's here i know what it is. Yes i get frustrated because he's little and can't talk and cries and I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS!!!! but in the long run of things....look at that face....i make a good lookin kid! I mean Mr. Big helped but really i'm the looks lol ok i'm mostly fucking with you.

So i know that having a kid i should watch my mouth and all but i'm not sure if you noticed but i'm a curser....i'm afraid i will need to tone it down because i'd like his first words not to be fuck or shit.....oh lord help us all when he starts talking. Poor bd (baby dad) is going to have his hands full with the kid and i talking too much lol.

Ok so this was brief but i have Mr. Fussypants next to me, kicking me in the leg.....i am going to actually try to keep this updated and not have lame "all about my kid posts" but really i cannot promise anything and you bitches will read about my child and love every fucking word....the end lol

About what i said last time.....

So um...yeah it's been almost 9 months since i've wrote a post and look what happened to me

Little did i know when i was writing my last blog post that i was in fact knocked up....it's as if the world is laughing at my ridiculous life.....i mean fuck i'd laugh too, don't get me wrong! but i'm not the world and i have to be the one lugging around a flippin baby! So needless to say i have a baby boy due in 3 weeks 6 days....go ahead, laugh...................................done? well i'm dissapointed but i'm not...obviously i wanted a baby but not like this and i wish i was a bit more "stable" but fuck it, god gave me what he thinks i can handle...i do question his judgement sometimes but that's another post. So baby dad and i are working out how to be parents and not kill each other......still love him.......still hate him.......still plot his death BUT now there is gonna be a squishy lil ball of joy thrown in the mix........i seriously can't wait to meet him

ok that's it for now :)

HOLY FUCK I'M BACK!

So it is officially the 6th day of 2011 and I pretty much hate everyone……..probably not the best way to start a new year right?......fuck it!

 So Mr.Iloveyoubutcantcommitbutwilltalkaboutbabiesandmovinginwithyouandallcommitmentythings have called it quits….yes you’ve heard this before, yes I’ve said this before, yes you’re tired of hearing it, yes you can fuck off now….just sayin



But I want one of these….yes a friggin baby…and marriage….look at my niece in her little princess dress I bought her for Christmas….this right here is what my little heart lives for….and really I’d have the most BEAUTIFUL BABIES EVER…oh sorry

So I’ve decided that I can’t stay around with a man who shows me how great things could be between us and then slaps my hand away when I reach for it. After 5 years I think it’s time for this little lady to move on….yes I sound like john wayne right there with the “little lady” thing but screw it, it’s my blog right?






So what now? OMGIDONTKNOWI’MSLIGHTLYPANICKING….it’s hard to move forward after being with someone for that long…although it has always been a struggle (our relationship that is) so I should be use to this by now but alas I am not….so my first step is to stop being a friggin baby and get my shit together….step one: write in blog that I have so sadly abandoned for like……forever…..and get my school shit together and work out and clean my house and……….well apparently what I’m doing is living for me! I’ve decided that I am great and a man who says he loves me and truly does, will want to have babies and marriage and puppies and endless nights of wild sex on the living room floor! Or some of that shit….oh god please let it be the sex part!

Words that describe me...PROCRASTINATOR.......ok so only one word

Ok so here's pretty much what you can count on when you know me....ready? I'm a procrastinator....like major....like if i were bleeding to death i'd probably finish a movie before driving myself to the hospital to get stitched up....BUT it runs in the family......so at least i'm not alone in the ridiculous that is me

With that said....here are my 365 photos for the last uh...well 5 days because i suck and cannot get myself to the computer to actually post these fuckers...

pic 1: Spartacus got a new collar..she's pissed it has a bell and now i know when she's about to attack me...muhahahahahah spart-0 sara-1

pic 2: my new adorable shoes that i love and am actually wearing today! woot

pic 3: dude i totally cooked and it's healthy and it's in my points and i'm a happy girl

pic 4: well this is the pic i send to Chaia everytime she says she hates me or won't do something i like

pic 5: well that's red mango and i love it and i want to have babies with it...thanks

I pretty much looked like this when i was little (probably still do) lol

you're welcome for updating bitches! except that i'm lucky you read my blog so never mind...ok i'll take today's pic sometime today and post it i swear!!!

OMG I HAVE 7 FOLLOWERS!!!! and I LOVE SNICKERDOODLE COOKIES!!

Ok so it's around THAT time and i want to eat my face off, preferably with anything sugary, salty or cheesy...oh and i bought two snickerdoodle cookies and they are no normal cookies...they are the huge ones that you love and cherish (see to the right)...i'm only eating one right now but i will most likely....definitely end up being the girl under the cookie.......shit......but hey at least i'll get a cookie right?!
Well now that i've properly explained just how unbelievably chubby this little bitch gets......let's move on

So Chaia and i (chaia is the bestie) have decided to do the photo 365 thing right? Except we don't want to join the actual one because we like to party....ok no not really the main reason is because we don't want to take pics of stupid shit.......like fucking landscape......so the rules are.......you have to take pics of yourself, you with something you love or of something you love even if your ass can't get in the pic.......also i should not be allowed to have a camera phone because this is bound to end up horribly.......i fucking warned you guys.

Also! i want a VW Beetle......like so bad........like bad bad.....like so bad that i'd trip a small child to get one.......yes i'm a child tripper fuck you....they are so cute though!

it's the devil cancer supporter duck....just go with it guys...i'm tired

ok here's the first pic....no making fun, i'm almost to my monthly, have some periods and no hair or makeup done....fuck you assholes you're lucky i'm here!

OMG I ALMOST FORGOT THE 7 FOLLOWERS PART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok so like one is my brother, one is my cousin, one is the bestie and one is a guy at work and one is me...shut up asshole. BUT 2 OF THEM ARE NOT RELATED TO ME AND WANTED TO FOLLOW ME!!!!

i'm secretly totally in love with both of them for following me....not like lesbian love....mostly....ha joking perverts

I'm dying....slowly, crippingly,horribly....deathly?...

Oh shut up it sounds good in my head! Well not good but they all seem like the best words to describe this crap....except maybe deathly.....shit

So 28 is looming around the corner like a hooker on a side street begging to love me long time.....know what? 28 WILL NOT LOVE ME LONG TIME! I'm slowly closing in on 30 and still have yet to be an "adult" or what i assume a fucking adult is like.....what the hell am i to do?! OK so first i breathe.....then there should be drinking.....like a crazy amount of drinking....except that I'm at work and cannot drink because I'm "responsible" whatever the fuck that means....i can barely take care of myself let alone Spartacus...oh that's the spawn of Satan, otherwise known as my cat>>>>>
she looks all cute and innocent but i warn you, do not get sucked in.

So I'm having the pre-midlife crisis crisis and it's really not as much fun as i thought....there's no new sports car and there is definitely NOT a hot hunk of man waiting at home for mama! oh that gross let's not use mama as a way to reference one's self unless one is actually a mother and even still just no....

oh and also....in addition....as well.......I'm so ready to be done with school so i can stop working in the corporate world where I'm sure Satan rules...so the lesson we've learned today ladies and gentleman?............absolutely nothing right? you've just listened to me freak the fuck out and have no real agenda to this blog

I thank you for letting me suck 3 minutes from your life...i plan on doing it again soon :-)

Fail....on all levels guys

So i started cute week as you can see and i never finished....yes this is the story of my life. Not that i'm not cute anymore but i never posted the rest of the pics, got busy and neglected my poor little blog all together! Son of a bitch it's a good thing i don't have a child >.<

Ok so school starts again and i'm excited/horrified that i have to be there 5 DAYS A WEEK....but once it's done i'll be golden right?

I have nothing interesting to report because....well....life isn't that dramatic around these parts.....still talking to Mr. Big but have a date on saturday........the new guy is adorable.......like i wanna rip your clothes off and lick peanut butter off your chest adorable......we'll see how this goes lol

It'll be hard to say goodbye to Mr. Big but sometimes a girl just needs Mr. Right ya know? not that new guy is Mr. Right but at least the fucking door is gonna be open for him to stroll his sexy ass in!

Also i'm gonna blog more.....at least i keep telling myself this......it's really not that fucking difficult so what's my problem?!?! Oh yes it's laziness my dear friends...So i was doing stumbleupon.com the other day right? and wouldn't you know they have PORN??! I was embarassed/couldn't stop looking...yes i like porn shut up...oh gosh my brother reads this........cripes

Ok so wish me luck on my "date", i don't actually know what we are doing so who knows if it's a real date but eff it it's a sexy man who wants to hang around the ridiculousness that is me.....poor fella