So i've realized that i've let my life get away from me. I'm unorganized, procrastinate...A LOT and all in all not living my life to it's fullest. It's sad to realize this whilst sitting at work supposedly working.
In high school i was lazy with my school work and just didn't care...and guess what? Yes it followed me into what we now call "adulthood". At some point one has to become an adult and get themselves together. I've decided that maybe, JUST MAYBE i can start slowly getting my life together.
For the last 4 years i've been with Mr. Big and i've avoided doing things because he didn't want to, because he wouldn't enjoy it, because he might be coming over and what if i'm busy and can't see him and OMG I'M THAT FUCKING BITCH WE ALL HATE. How the fucking shit did i allow myself to get so entangled in Mr. Big that i lost the adorable, awesomeness that is me? I've forgone dating because what if said man gets it together and can finally commit? What if i never see him again?....in the end would it matter? It's like a little light is beginning to shine through...now don't get me wrong, i adore Mr. Big in every way imaginable but at some point you realize that maybe, just maybe this is not what God has planned for you and that hopefuly......OH HOLY HELL hopefully there is another Mr. Big who is everything you need/want/desire and that your actions now are making it harder for you to meet him later?
So here we go, i have a planner....like i always do and never use....and now, we are going to start using it. Per the fabulous Chee who said "why don't you just write one thing down you want to get done per day" damn her for being all rational and shit. So i'm gonna! Also i'm going to stop avoiding the things i want to do because Mr. Big won't go with me or might call or might or might or might....fuck this might shit. I've passed up too much because of my ridiculousness.
NOW...don't go and think i'm not going to be ridiculous anymore...cause well...i'm pretty sure it's just in my genes....but i'm going to stop missing out on life because i'm strung up in lazyness, Mr. Big or my own self pity...oh yeah no more self pity! or some shit.....
i was at the point in my life a while ago. and i'm not saying i'm better now because well i succk and i'm not perfect and boohoo my life is still somewhat a mess.
ReplyDeletebut i was living as if life was going to fix it self, as it life was going to get better even if i sat back and didn't take control. well guess what i actually grabbed the bulls by the horn at some point and now look where i am. again i'm not perfect but i can at least say i'm pleased to be in a different spot then i was a year ago.
kudos to sara. woot woot.
I say good for you! :) Found you via 20sb and wanted to stop by. I remember having the hugest CRUSH on a boy in college and just being creepily obsessed...we've all been there, right? I was looking for MY car in the parking lot but got totally lost b/c I was distracted and looking for HIS car just to see it...you know? That's when I thought, "This has got to stop." When you said you had lost yourself, it reminded me of that story. Sorry...ramble ramble. Well...welcome to 20sb! If anything, I don't think ANYONE our age has it "all together." We're still wandering. Maybe 30 or 40 will be decades for organization...haha. Good luck! Keep up the awesomeness/adroableness!
ReplyDeleteAw thanks guys...he really does deserve to fall down and skin his knees....or a punch in the face....maybe that would be better? muhahahaha ok i'm a dork
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